I first encountered my favorite poem in the film Beautiful Boy (2018). I do not remember how old I was, or why I ended up watching the movie. I suppose it was because it was popular on social media- and I thought I’d give it a chance. What I did not realize was that this poem would change the perspective of my life for many years to come.
Let It Enfold You by Charles Bukowski was the poem. I love the whole thing. How it flows more like a story and more like a feeling than a poem. But, my favorite words of this poem are in the title, “let it enfold you”. Actually, these may be my favorite words of all time.
I have gone through a lot in my life, and I do not know where it has left me or where it will take me. Somedays, I truly do think that people that have not gone through anything will never have the perspective it takes to understand me, or to really empathize with me, as silly as that seems. Somedays, I wake up angry at the world for what happened to me. Somedays, I wake up indifferent, knowing that there is nothing I can do to change it.
There was a moment, once. I was alone in the evening writing in my journal. There was the smell of chai in the air, and I had just gotten a new pen. I was not angry, nor sad, nor indifferent, I was at peace. It was gone before I even realized it, and I was brought back to those 4 words- let it enfold you. And so I did. I let that moment wash over me over and over again.
I then thought to myself that instead of soaking in all the good moments, I should soak in everything this way. All moments and all emotions. Instead of stewing in my anger, resentment, pain, indifference, I should just learn to exist with it. To let it enfold me, to let it be a part of me, but not control me. So, next time the moment came, I let it happen.
I am still learning how to let whatever it is enfold me. I try to, everyday, in small moments and in words.